When is it okay to give up?

When the time has come to just give up

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In the summer of 2009 a letter fluttered into my mailbox that made a dream come true for me for decades: my certificate of admission to the medical department for the winter semester.

So I moved into a room in a shared apartment, gave up my apartment and spent almost 1.5 years on medical books instead of renting my own apartment.

I only met my friends once a month and at my house instead of in restaurants to save money. I gave up almost all of my hobbies and spent up to 14 hours a day at university and in the library. On the weekends, I worked shifts in the hospital to keep my job as a pediatric nurse before I went back to my books.

As is often the case with big dreams, there were many conditions attached to them. But I bit my way through for 16 seemingly endless months.

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Giving up was just not an option.

Until it turned out to be one because I just couldn't anymore. I was used to going the hard way all my life. To bite me through. Boxing through. To hold out.

After all, that's what is expected of me, isn't it?

Giving up is seen as a weakness in our society. Not finishing something as failure.

In my eyes, after I have finally opened it, it is a much greater weakness not to be open to what makes us happy, regardless of what others think of it.

Am I stronger when I struggle through something that torments me and makes me get up every day with a stomach ache, or when I decide that enough is enough and I choose a path that is not determined by others?

So at some point I was sitting in my kitchen with tearful cheeks and decided to give up medical school. And it was the most important, valuable, and crucial lesson I ever taught myself. If I have to be completely honest, she was probably the first to lead in a long chain of decisions about the life I lead today.

Since then I have given up many goals and habits or abandoned projects.

But I've reached and finished at least twice as many. So where is the crucial difference? When is it time to do something to give up, and when to really bite into it?

 

When to consider changing direction

Every time I stand at that particular intersection, I ask myself similar questions to explore which path is right for me and whether it is worth sticking with it or taking a new direction. And they will certainly work for you too, to give you a little orientation ...

 

Does it torment you permanently - not just a few days or weeks?

If you've been struggling for months that it just doesn't feel right, makes you unhappy, or the moments when you love what you do can only be counted on one hand, then ... hm ... it might be time to change something fundamentally.

At the end of last year, I asked myself this question on one of my very large projects. And even if the answer pained me a lot because I am very attached to it, the answer was actually loud and clear.

It's similar to being in a relationship. If she makes you cry more often than laughing, it's time to break up, no matter how painful she may be.

 

Did you or someone else persuade you to do it?

Be honest with yourself: what originally drove you to start this project? Was it you yourself? Was it a certain motivation, like the gold pot at the end of the rainbow? (Clay. Cash. Mice.)

Or maybe someone even talked you into it because he or she thought it was best for you? (Your studies, your choice of job, the common product ...)

If so, regardless of whether the influence came from outside or from yourself, think again whether this would really have been a choice if you completely ignored all voices, fears and worries.

Is it something you enjoy? Even in the long term. Hey, nobody can see into the future, I know. But what does your feeling tell you? Do you think you will still have fun in a year and will make you jump out of bed in the morning with anticipation?

If not ... you know the answer.

 

Does the result or the goal no longer suit you?

Quite often we change too. This is completely right. You should only make sure that the complete changes do not occur monthly (our long-term vision does not change that often) and that you start and cancel one project after the other.

In the many discussions about scanners and the gifted, it often remains vague whether we actually have a completely different problem than that.

Having a lot of passions does not automatically mean that we cannot end something and to success bring to! But we are happy to convey that.

That we should just live all our passions and then it will be fine. All by himself.

But this is how it works in the rarest of cases.

Nevertheless, it is completely okay if you develop yourself further and say goodbye to goals that simply no longer fit. (Like, for example, a Carina in a doctor's coat ...)

How do you differentiate one (lack of stamina) from the other (further development)?

Let's crack with these questions:

 

When to stick with it and pull it off

Sometimes we give up too soon. Especially when we are not really aware that the little problem we are focusing on is actually just a symptom for a completely different problem area ...

 

Can you change the circumstances so that it makes you happy again?

Have you often thought of quitting your job and just starting something completely new? A new apprenticeship, a degree, self-employment?

I know I've had it more than once. Even in the last few months.

If I then go deeper and question what makes me dissatisfied, I realize that it is the circumstances that are making me weary, not my independence.

So instead of looking for exciting subjects or training paths, I start to research what exactly I don't enjoy at the moment - and what it does. To then adjust the rules a bit again.

After all, that's the beauty of my independence:

I make the rules. No one else.

 

Are you just afraid of the work that you have to put into it?

Ok, this is where things get really nasty. Because that is a question we are very reluctant to ask ourselves. And it is even more nasty to answer honestly.

How often have I heard from women that they would sooo much like to set up their own business, but then, in the undertones, you can hear that they actually want this with the 4-hour week concept, no longer fits on a cow's skin.

Here I am honest enough with myself now, even if it doesn't look nice sometimes: No, I don't want to beat up this or that task (SEO - gag) for weeks to the point of vomiting just to increase my affiliate income and so more passive To have income.

Instead, I know for sure that, despite many tricky hours on the laptop, I spend weeks working on the academy and that I am not afraid of work here either.

So you are not lazy if the work is too much for you. You just have the wrong goal in mind.

 

Are others (or yourself) telling you that you will fail anyway?

As so often, I save the most important aha moment for the grand finale. Because I usually catch myself a little bit every time this question is answered at the latest.

Before starting any project, I have a real reluctance to finally start. Laying the first stone that will form the foundation for it. And in 99% of the cases this is due to the fact that there is still a little voice whispering in me ...

“Carina, you are not good enough. Learn a little more. Wait a little bit. Or just leave it all. It's going to be a flop anyway. "

Maybe you know me well enough by now to know this is nonsense. That I always optimize so much and put so much heart and soul into my projects that it simply can't be a flop. Because even three happy users, customers or readers are enough for me.

Even I know that on a good day. I just can't get bad against these little voices - unless I make them clear to myself.

The moment I realize this problem, every time I make a deal with myself: I start. I allow myself to stop on the way in advance if, after halfway through, I still have the feeling that this is all rubbish.

But in reality I'm usually so deeply involved in the project that I rarely stop.

And if it does? Then that's not a big deal either.

 

Do you also have questions that give you clarity in doubtful moments?

 

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