Why can't Jedi feel or love

Why people who don't love Star Wars are bad people

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away…. If this sentence doesn't give you goose bumps and you don't have anything to do with Star Wars, then chances are you're a total asshole. Here I explain to you why this is so.

Georg Lucas has with Starwars created the greatest film series in the galaxy and from the ice deserts of Hoth to the lawless wastes of the Outer Rim, there is no Magnus Opus that even comes close to the ingenuity and story telling of Star Wars. Amazingly, I had to find out that there are quite a few unbelievers in my immediate environment who cannot do anything with Star Wars or, in the worst case, shine through absolute ignorance regarding the topic. "Starwars? That's this fairytale shit in space, isn't it? "(Note from the superordinate editorial management: So what !? I don't care!)

Star Wars shows us what true love is

As a 10-year-old I wasn't really familiar with the complex construct of love. Sure, I loved my cat Felix and I felt for the first time what it means to lose something beloved when the spoiled ADHD neighbor child sank my beloved Spiderman figure in the campfire (I haven't forgotten that Oliver!). But I only really understood what love really is when I watched "Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back". In the scene in which Han Solo is frozen in carbonite. His beloved Princess Leia desperately speaks the last words “I love you” to him, whereupon Playboy Numbero Uno Han Solo replies: “I know.” And suddenly I was aware of what true love is. If you think Star Wars is stupid and haven't seen this scene, then I have no idea how you really want to love deep down inside.


Star Wars is the underdog's victory story

If we only concentrate on the previous films, then Star Wars is a glorification of the famous underdog topic. David versus Goliath and such. From "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" to "Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clone Warriors" to "Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith" we experience the boss transformation of Anakin Skywalker. From the teased nerdy kid with an ugly 1997 Aaaron Carter hairstyle to the sexy villain whose morning shed has more power than half the Jedi Order put together. Fuck the missing body parts and the Freddy Krüger facelift, a real underdog makes sacrifices on the way up!

If we then look at episodes “Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope” through “Star Wars Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi”, we have two underdog stories. On the one hand that of Luke Skywalker, the simple farm boy who almost single-handedly overthrows the empire and brings balance back to power, and on the other hand that of the rebels who manage to overthrow the indomitable empire and the after-show with the Ewoks on Endor Throwing Party of the Year. An underdog story of unbelievable proportions. If you wanted to reproduce this dimension, you would have to find some 13-year-old farm boy from Brandenburg who, together with 5 chain-smoking and overweight ex-players of the fourth team of FC Tanne Castrop-Rauxel, simply sweeps Real Madrid 5-0 off the field and then Coca Cola, Nestlé and the AfD destroyed.

If you don't feel your heart open when you hear these underdog stories, that's Team Voldemort too.

Han Solo

Do I have to say more?

Lightsabers, spaceships, explosions

Star Wars lets its viewers sit with open mouths in front of the screens. Colorful laser beams, impressive lightsaber fights, explosions, goddamn killer droideka. Even the fight scenes in Star Wars Episode IV (1978), which look as if they were coordinated by the senior sports course “With Tae Bo Fit in Old Age”, are incredibly thrilling. What the exhaust sound of a tuned 300 PS Golf V is to people who stuff their pants into their socks, to me the sound of a lightsaber glides through the air. Pure sex.

The only people who cannot captivate these magical sequences are probably Noisey editors, who can only get excited about ketamine, Berghain, arrest warrant and some Spanish underground deep house parties and everything else with a cynical puff through their meanwhile no longer dismissing mustache worn ironically.


The Force Awakens

Oh you big shit! I've been waiting for this teaser since the credits of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005) and it just didn't disappoint. X-Fighter, Millennium Falcon and Storm Trooper, everything that makes a good person's heart beat faster. Fuck it if the geek police make fun of the fact that the new lightsaber suddenly has 3 "sword elements". As soon as the next World of Warcraft add-on comes out, you won't hear anything from them for 3 months anyway, so you don't really have to take them seriously.

And the very best? The goddamn trailer did what it promised. I watched the film twice in the cinema, twice I couldn't help but tear back tears and goosebumps. As I hammer these lines into the keyboard with nerd enthusiasm, do I wonder if I should order the recently released Blu-Ray of the film? Fuck it, Amazon Prime, ordered! Fuck Yeah!

J.J. Abrams and the greed of Disney have made it that I can finally feel like a teenager again who has spent his Saturday evenings in front of the DVD player while my peers to David Guetta in the village disco Remix with vodka energy in rural nirvana have fired. If you don't like this film, you can only be a bad person.

May the 4th be with you! What do you guys think makes Star Wars the greatest thing that was ever made by human hands?

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