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One day love will find you, I promise
You've spent so much time with your head buried, still caught up in that last relationship, still in pain from your past breakup, and missing him or her or what the two of you had. You've spent so many days draining your soul, trying to fill yourself with anything that might temporarily distract you, and trying so desperately to cover up the holes the last person left.
You've spent so many nights crying yourself to sleep, wondering where the hell you went wrong, apologizing, feeling defeated, feeling unworthy, and convincing yourself that you don't love deserve or that you won't find them or that. that just doesn't exist for you.
But these are lies.These are lies.
You see, the world has a fun way of showing us what we need and what not, what we should have and what we should let go of, what is good for us and what only breaks us bit by bit. However, we don't always believe or listen. We think we know what to do; We trust we have all the answers.
But the truth is, we are human and flawed. And sometimes we love the wrong people, open our hearts to someone who is leaving, leaving us vulnerable, and then emptying ourselves when a relationship goes south.
And sometimes we get hurt. So deeply hurt.
Then we convince ourselves that we are somehow less, somehow 'wrong' or 'incompetent', or deserve the negative cards that life has given us. We convince ourselves that what fell apart was our fault and that we will never again taste the sweet freedom of true love.
But you will.You will.
It could be months or years or eons later. It could be a time or place you weren't expecting, or a person you've been comfortable with for ages. It can come slowly and delicately. Or, slapping you in the face with the startling realization that you have finally found your special someone is a complete surprise. It can come when you're young, old, or anywhere in between.
It can come when you've made up your mind to finally believe in deeper connections, or when you're not entirely ready to let someone in.
But love will come
I know that you closed your heart and told yourself that you will not fall again. I know you pushed people away and you want to be on your own. I know that you always wanted to heal and come up short and feel emptier day by day. I know you are nervous - being vulnerable, caring so much about something, and then being abandoned, getting hurt.
I know that you turned the cold shoulder on love and relationships and that you believe that you are just one of those people meant to be single for a lifetime, capable and content in your own skin.
But in the back of your mind you longed for love. Beneath the surface, you itched to get close again. And as much as you try to ignore these feelings at the end of the day in the moments before you go to sleep, hope that one day you won't feel so alone.
And you won't.
One day love will find you It will sneak in on you and penetrate your bones. It will fill your void and flood all the rooms in and around you. It will make your heart lighter, your lungs full, your eyes brighter. It will surprise and frighten you and suddenly bring any doubt to safety.
It will be everything you didn't know you needed and everything you have wanted for so long. It will be all that you have waited, prayed for, and wished for late at night.
Love becomes everything you imagined and everything you absolutely deserve.
But you need to be patient, believe, trust, know that you deserve to be loved, and believe that the right person will find you. You need to work on yourself, pursue your goals, build yourself and be open to what lies ahead, whatever relationships and connections that might be.
You need to stop letting negativity and bitterness control you, determine your destiny, and instead let yourself be free and unencumbered. You must realize that you are so incredible and so worthy of one love forever. And one day you will look back arm in arm with the one to whom you gave your heart in awe of your past unbelief.
Marisa Donnelly is a poet and author of the book,Somewhere on a freeway, available here.
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