How can you scrape data from OkCupid

Why online dating is not for men with low self-esteem

Christoph made an effort. Can’t be said otherwise. Black and white photo, a bit arty. He is 186 centimeters tall and does something with design. But Jonathan tried too. Three pictures. On the beach, in the pub, while climbing. And Olli and David and Janos: “Just ask me”, “#lebenamlimit”, “A good mood is the best mood”.

All of these guys are on Tinder. What exactly are you looking for there? Sex, distraction, or maybe someone you want to see twice? No idea. We will probably never find out what they are looking for. But we can be pretty sure of what they will get: A serious offense for the ego.

"That makes me feel so bad"

Because the dating app Tinder, which now has more than two million users in Germany, is developing into a male self-destructor. She ensures that the boys' self-confidence slips into the basement. And that Christoph, Janos, David and all the others are slowly but surely asking themselves what's wrong with them.

On the Reddit platform, the hurt egos are already trying to explain to each other in dozens of threads how this could happen. "The absolute and constant rejection that you have to struggle with as a guy gets me down," "Of the thousand girls I found attractive, not a single one found me attractive." “Women get more than 40 responses a day. I hardly get any messages, even if I try really hard. "

Countless guys who ask: Have you had such a bad self-esteem since you joined Tinder?

Well, Tinder is used by 62 percent men and 38 percent women. So why women get more matches is somehow also mathematics. It is precisely because of this predictability that the app is so popular. Because with little effort, it promises the greatest possible efficiency in the search for sex, relationship, non-relationship or whatever.

And it works in a very callous way. Exclusively through the surface. Tinder is like a digital shop window that is supposed to present the goods in the best possible light. A few pseudo-philosophical sentences in English. A selfie with tiger in Thailand. Or one while pumping in the studio. All in the hope that at some point the shop window will look inviting enough.

Bye-bye self-worth

But if you only ever rely on the surface, you will notice soon enough that it does something to you. And nothing good. Because if your own attractiveness is only shown in the mirror of the matches, you will be offended if the recognition fails to materialize. That destroys self-esteem. And that's exactly what men notice particularly strongly.

At the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association this year, a study was presented, the aim of which was actually to examine the influence Tinder has on women's self-esteem. To this end, 1,044 women and 273 men, most of them students, were interviewed. It was about body awareness, objectification, satisfaction. Ten percent of those surveyed were Tinder users.

Compared to the rest of the respondents, they all had less self-esteem, a poorer body image and no longer felt perceived as a person. The men were even worse off than women: "Although body image specifications are mainly aimed at women, our results suggest that men are just as negatively affected when they use this social network," explained Jessica Strübel, one of the Authors of the study.

Sure, these results in and of themselves do not say anything about whether the app produces this bad self-esteem or does not simply attract users with low self-esteem. But the sheer mass of discussions on the net on exactly the topic speaks for it.

Tinder eat up ego

Tinder seems to be the Dementor app. It soaks up self-worth. Because in the merciless logic of the surface, it turns its users into pure objects. And objects faint over the long term. If you only bet on the surface, you lose. Because if you are not permanently matched, you have a subscription to rejection.

This realization is particularly cruel for men. Because it is new. While women know what it is like to be harassed with ever more attractive body images at every newspaper stand, to be constantly judged in social networks without being asked and to have internalized the being-just-beautiful from childhood on, this mercilessness for men is a new experience .

Women have always had to look their best if they wanted to be successful with data. Men have traditionally also scored points with other characteristics. But Tinder makes us a little bit more alike. Men are now allowed to be a bit of a woman. And notice that the surface is pretty merciless. The ego can suffer from that.

But who now as a woman "a round of pity!" would like to shout that he was granted the malice for a short time, but should then also ask himself whether we really imagined equality to be that way.