How do I stop being a disappointment
How we alleviate the pain of disappointment
Last update: November 15, 2016
We have all trusted someone who ended up hurting us. After this experience, we said to ourselves that we would not allow this to happen again. And with this announcement we are not only referring to disappointments of a romantic nature, but to any kind of disappointment.
Whatever the reason, disappointment leaves a deep wound in us that takes time to heal.
Do you protect yourself from disappointment by opening an umbrella?
We usually hide behind closed doors after experiencing disappointment for fear of being hurt again in the next experience. For this reason, many people choose to stop showing affection for someone, and they do so in the belief that they will minimize the risk of being hurt again.
Such decisions are comparable to opening an umbrella. This is true when we have done our best and we have been betrayed; when we are completely honest with a friend and they stab us in the back; when we are abandoned by our parents or family members. While it may not have been one of these three situations, you have probably, regrettably, experienced a similar sensation.
There is a popular saying that goes: "Bitten once, shy twice", and we can increase this statement to: "Once and never again." It is similar with the umbrella. The bite can be understood as the disappointment or deception that makes you shy of people who are similar to the one who hurt you. Although this person is not the same person who injured you, their resemblance to whoever caused the wound does not make us forget the painful incident.
What is it about opening the umbrella?
When we enter into a relationship with someone, expectations arise that increase. We even make prognoses about behavior, thoughts and feelings that the partner might have in the future. Part of our expectations are based on what we already know, on experiences we shared with the other person. Another part can be made up of what we've heard about that person. And another part could simply arise from our idealization and our wishes. The fact is that we match our desires with reality mix.
When our expectations are too high or If the person fails to meet their “implicit obligations”, we feel disappointed, frustrated, sad, and even angry. It is completely normal. However, we must try to ensure that we do not get hurt by unfulfilled, perhaps unreal, expectations. We should try to adjust to what this person is actually offering us and build real expectations.
The disappointments we experience do not always result from our idea of a “perfect” partner, friend or colleague. Disappointment also happens when the other person treats us badly and does things that make us suffer. Under these circumstances, feelings of resentment and anger can arise alongside those that we have already mentioned, namely frustration and sadness.
And what happens then? We open the umbrella to protect ourselves, even when the rain stays away. This means that when a new person comes into our life, we are afraid of suffering again and open ourselves too little to let them come in.
Sun rays cannot reach us under our umbrella.
Some readers may feel that it takes more than an umbrella. They would rather wear armor, like the knights in the Middle Ages. It really depends on how much we suffered and how hard it was for us to get through each situation. But armor makes it even harder for the sun to reach us.
The dangers lurking under the umbrella
We feel safe under the umbrella, as if nothing bad could happen to us. However, we miss the opportunity to experience pleasant feelings. If we open an umbrella even though it is not raining, we cannot feel and enjoy the sun's rays on our skin.
If we try to protect ourselves under this “bell”, we cannot grow as humans. It is true that when we have faced disappointment or betrayal, we do not want to meet new people or go out into the world at first. But it is important that we gradually overcome this phase.
We will not achieve anything positive if we withdraw under the umbrella and not allow anyone to enter this safe haven.
Another consequence when we lock the doors and windows of our house, our heart, with a lock and key is that the people around us gradually withdraw from us. We then believe that they have left us or that they are bad people. Indeed it is our protective wall that those people who love us and care for us will not allow us to penetrate.
Nobody says it is easy to get through disappointment, especially disappointment in love. But it is extremely important that we close our umbrella when there are no dark clouds in the sky so that we can enjoy the fresh wind and warmth on a sunny day.
We want to encourage you to sing in the rain and jump through the puddles! Close the umbrella, then you will notice faster that the sun is breaking through again!
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