Do narcissists enjoy watching you suffer

These four types of people magically attract narcissists

Having a relationship with a narcissist is hard work. Even if everything seems to be going well, there is no telling what will trigger a narcissistic rumble next.

Narcissists may not always want to hurt their partner, but they do it more often than they don't. It is up to you to decide whether you are ready to take the risk and get the relationship up and running. But keep in mind that it will be emotionally stressful and you may end up getting weeded anyway.

Narcissists seek a strong partner in a relationship

A common misconception is that narcissists choose weak partners for a relationship because they are easier to manipulate. In fact, narcissists prefer to try to target someone who is strong-willed and has gifts or qualities that they admire. It makes them feel better when they have managed to destroy their partner.

Shannon Thomas, author of Healing from Hidden Abuse, told Business Insider that whatever strength narcissists focus on, "they turn it around and destroy it."

"I've seen a lot of people get targeted when they have strong family relationships, for example, or when they are successful in their careers, especially when that career has some sort of public side," she said.

“They are targeted when they are in good shape, exercise a lot and look after their looks. I've also seen people targeted because they have a religious belief. Then the person tries to either get that person to do something that goes against the principles of that belief or to make that person break down somehow. "

Narcissists begin relationships with these four types

According to psychotherapist Karen Arluck, who answered a post on Quora, most people with narcissistic personality disorder generally want to feel good about themselves. Because of this, they are attracted to people who make this possible. Either they will feel special by belonging or they will feel strong by bringing down someone who is mentally, physically, or emotionally strong.

According to Arluck, there are four types of people that narcissists are attracted to:

  1. People who are somehow impressive. Either through their career, their hobbies and talents, their circle of friends, or their family.
  2. Someone who can make the narcissist feel good about themselves through compliments or gestures.
  3. Anyone who makes them look good in the eyes of others.
  4. Someone who acknowledges their feelings, overlooks their mistakes, and who is unlikely to leave them during their narcissistic insults.

Narcissists often have unrealistic expectations in relationships

"Of course, many narcissists chase after a unicorn that often doesn't exist," wrote Arluck. "They tend to have unrealistic expectations of their partner, which often leaves them feeling unhappy in their relationship once the initial tingling is worn out and their partner shows his human and flawed sides."

It may seem like narcissists pick certain types of people for a relationship and try to destroy them in order to express their own low self-esteem. Perhaps this is true for some sub-types of narcissists. They are called fragile narcissists and they act in such a way as to avoid feeling lonely, anxious, and small. But so-called exhibitionistic and malignant narcissists just want to destroy others because they enjoy it.

A relationship with a narcissist is about control

Very often, a relationship with a narcissist is about control. When he feels he has power over the partner, the relationship is successful in the narcissist's eyes.

Also read: Three signs indicate that a relationship is doomed - say scientists

“I think that for some narcissists, sometimes it may be more about entertainment. And about being in control, being able to relate to someone who's had this really great life. You have a part in it and can see how it falls, ”said Thomas. “Or someone who took good care of themselves and took care of themselves, and who was calm, not afraid, not depressed, and seeing them break down. This process makes it diabolical and narcissists enjoy it. "

This article has been translated from English. You can find the original version on INSIDER. Copyright 2018. Follow INSIDER on Facebook and Twitter.