Is love worth the pain it causes


Those who are lovesick are often unable to look at them soberly. However, psychologists do this and divide heartbreak into four phases.

1. Denial: In this phase we don't want to admit that it is over and we cling to the hope that everything will be as it was before the breakup. We are in shock and try to change the mind of the ex-partner. We make promises about what and how we will change. We interpret every contact as a first step towards repairing the relationship - even if the ex-partner only calls to ask when he can pick up his things from the shared apartment.

2. Emotional chaos: Now hope slowly fades and feelings break out. A roller coaster ride of sadness, anger, hatred, despair and fear breaks out. We doubt ourselves and believe that we cannot go on without our partner. This is also the phase in which we sleep badly, hardly eat and think about nothing but the fact that we cannot do it on our own. Towards the end of this phase, the anger prevails; we now often feel revenge because we feel that the ex-partner has treated us unfairly.

3.Process and reorient: It's getting better. We still miss our partner, but our thoughts no longer revolve around him and our anger. It is the phase in which we begin to take stock of the relationship - often also by talking about it with close confidants. We no longer only see the good times, but also the less good times with the ex-partner and his bad sides. Such an "analysis" can be an opportunity to learn for the next relationship.

4. Accept and find your balance again: It's done! We have come to terms with the breakup, the relationship is history - and that's okay. Sometimes we are still a little sad or angry, but generally our thoughts and actions are directed towards the future. We have developed new perspectives and can open ourselves to new things.