Why do I want to be sad
"Why am I so sad? Actually everything is fine. Still, I can't shake this emptiness. I don't want to be sad all the time. "
Do you recognize yourself in it?
Many people feel sad now and then for no apparent reason.
Distraction masks the feeling. But that is short-lived.
After the funny film, the party, the event everything is as before: empty, joyless and sad.
Your sadness may not be easy to shake off.
But in this article you will learn 5 tips to overcome your sadness and develop more joy in life again.
But first let's clarify one important thing.
Why am i so sad Reasons for feeling difficult
Nobody likes to be sad. Being sad is uncomfortable. Energy sapping. Strange.
Everyone around you is probably highly motivated. Positive thinking. Full of energy. The career is worked on, the body is hardened, the personality is developed.
Social media is full of people who lead happy lives. People who are in fulfilling relationships, who go on exciting trips, who eat healthily and who seem to have everything under control.
To be sad and joyless does not fit into the worldview of the “doers” and self-optimizers.
There are many understandable reasons for this sensation:
- You have just suffered a great loss
- You struggle to overcome an illness
- Your career plans have failed
- Your girlfriend or boyfriend left you.
- Someone has let you down deeply.
- You worry about the future all the time.
Or ... or ... or ...
You notice: There are countless experiences and situations in which it is perfectly normal to be sad.
Sad, joyless, empty: why sadness doesn't have to be a symptom of depression
Being sad is a central human feeling.
It does not help,
- when you torment yourself inside ("Why am I always so sad?"),
- reproach you ("I hate myself for being sad all the time.") or
- suppress the feeling ("I don't want to be sad.").
- It doesn't make you feel better as if by magic.
- You may be wondering if you are depressed.
There are big differences between feeling sad, joyless, unhappy and depression.
Differences Between Sadness and Depression
How to Find Out If You Are Sad or Depressed:
- Being sad is a feeling. Feelings are short-lived: they disappear again after 90 seconds. Depression is chronic. Symptoms last for at least six months.
- When you are sad, you may withdraw from those around you. But you still meet your obligations. A depressed person is often no longer able to do this.
- When you're sad, you may find yourself talking to others. Depressed people tend to isolate themselves.
- Even when you are very sad you can keep up your routine. Depressed people can no longer do that.
- Being sad and joyless doesn't stop you from making plans for the future. Those who are depressed often feel too hopeless for that. He doesn't see himself in the future.
If you still suspect that you are depressed: Get help!
Please contact your family doctor. He can refer you to a specialist.
If you are sad, I can help you!
Before I give you very specific tips, we have to clarify one thing:
Why people around you usually react to sadness with defenses.
Don't be sad: why sadness scares those around you
Let's assume that there is a specific reason that you are sad.
A painful experience tore the rug out from under your feet.
“Don't be sad!” Or: “Cheer up, it will be fine!” This is probably what typical reactions look like.
The people around you try to get rid of your sadness. Get rid of the feeling asap. There is not necessarily sympathy behind these attempts at consolation. Sometimes there is fear behind it.
The fear that the feeling could be contagious. Sad, joyless - nobody likes to feel like that.
In our society, the focus is on optimistic thinking. Everyone is young, beautiful, happy and successful. Or at least that's how they stage themselves.
People hungry for success beam happily on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. What it really looks like with her career is mostly hidden from the public.
In a pinch, whispers will be given.
This illusory world makes it harder for us to accept the dark side of life. That includes failure. But also pain, loss, illness, old age and death.
Each of us has these experiences. And yes: All of these are understandable and good reasons to be sad.
Sadness is part of life, as is joy, anger, and anger. However, in difficult phases of life we are often left alone by our network.
Being sad isn't sexy.
What can you do when you feel overwhelmed? In essence, you have no choice: you have to face your sadness.
5 strategies for dealing with sadness
Here I tell you 5 ways how you can deal with your sadness.
Accept your feelings
Give space to your sadness. Instead of fighting the feeling, accept that you are feeling sad.
Allow your emotions ("I'm sad - and that's ok.")
You are probably processing a certain experience.
Do not suppress your feelings. Crying is also allowed.
It sounds paradoxical: But only if you allow and accept the feeling will it eventually disappear on its own.
When you fight it, you hold it inside you. Then the sadness comes up in you at a moment when you cannot use it.
Deal with your sadness
Has anything happened in your life recently that pulled the rug out from under your feet?
- your friends,
- your family,
- your partner,
- your job,
- your future plans,
- your health and
- your financial situation.
What is bothering you? What are you worried about?
Make your feelings an issue
Are you someone who likes to talk about your feelings? This is often more difficult for men than for women.
If you want to express yourself, find people who will listen to you. Without judging, devaluing or criticizing you for your emotions.
Or are you someone who withdraws and goes through difficult phases on your own?
Then write down what is on your mind and why you are sad.
Try to put your feelings into words. Many things are easier to bear when you share them.
It might also help you to write down some sad sayings.
Let go of the feeling
- Nobody is safe from a stroke of fate.
- Mistakes and misunderstandings happen.
- Every now and then you make wrong decisions.
John Lennon is credited with saying, "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans."
We cannot influence everything. Some things just happen.
It is okay to take stock of failures, setbacks and blows of fate:
- Did you make mistakes
- What could you have done better?
- Could you have prevented the problem / disaster?
What does not help, however, is if you turn in a circle.
At some point it will be time to let go.
In the end, we have to accept certain things.
The fact that they ceaselessly stay in your head and spin around in your head like a merry-go-round doesn't make the situation any better.
Staying calm means staying calm in difficult situations. If you stay calm, you accept the situation as it is.
Suppose you are stuck in a traffic jam.
Instead of swearing and getting upset about being late for your appointment, you accept the situation. Your disappointment, anger and feelings of guilt change nothing.
As a result, the jam does not dissolve. You are still not advancing any faster.
But with disappointment, anger, and feelings of guilt, you use up a lot of your precious energy.
Rather direct this force on something productive:
- Let them know that you will be late. Apologize for that.
- Would it have helped to leave earlier? Next time, plan a larger buffer zone.
- Use the unexpected time to think, listen to music or concentrate on an audio book.
If you are unhappy and realize: "I am sad", leave this thought free for the time being.
- Avoid getting angry with yourself.
- Interrupt circling thoughts.
- Realize that sadness is a feeling. It has its place.
If you manage to stay calm, you will not torment yourself with expectations that you cannot meet.
The psychologist Michael Schellberg from Hamburg defines serenity as follows: It means: "To be with yourself and in the moment."
Sad for no reason?
There is not always a specific reason for the feeling. Sometimes sadness comes up to us for no apparent reason. Life is not easy.
You are not alone with this kind of sadness.
If you feel sad for no reason, other strategies will help. There are things that you cannot influence. You can change other things. And that's where we start now.
There may be some detective work to begin with. You have to find out what makes you sad.
Maybe it is your everyday life that robs you of your energy.
Is your life just a routine? Is one day like the other? Do you do your duty, but nothing more?
If that's the case, I have good news for you:
You can change that!
I'll show you how to do that now.
No more sadness: change your life
Let's take a quick look at the five most important areas of life:
- Work: Is your job a one-way street? Apply elsewhere. Or start your own business.
- Relationships: Does your circle of acquaintances drag you down? Expand your network. Find optimistic people who will give you energy. Separate yourself from energy vampires who suck you out and leave you sad, joyless and empty.
- Is your partner not doing you (any longer) well? Have you grown apart? Get out of this relationship. It hurts. But in the long run you will be better off with it.
- Health: Do you feel limp and without energy? If you are medically healthy, it may be due to your diet. Reconsider your eating habits. How much exercise is there in your everyday life?
- Finances: Money worries can overwhelm us. If you are in debt, a debt advisor will help you. Get help! Perhaps the solution is a better paying job too.
- Meaning and self-fulfillment: Ideally, you will find both in your work. If not: volunteer. Find an area where you can bring your strengths to bear.
These are just examples.
Think about the realistic possibilities you have to change your life.
Remember, once you have a plan, dreams are no longer fantasies. Then dreams are goals.
How you get happier
If you don't want to be sad anymore, take the first step.
You will notice: If you change one thing, it will go in circles.
Often other areas change automatically.
Break out of your routine
For one thing, we have to do certain things. On the other hand, routines provide security.
The more security you need, the more monotonous your life is.
If your routine is not chosen voluntarily: You are not a robot. Consciously change the way you organize your everyday life.
For this reason, vacation is good for us: Vacation is not everyday life. You see, hear, feel, taste and smell completely new things.
If your routine is your safety net, venture out of your comfort zone every now and then. That expands your experience.
Allow “I'm sad” to become “I'm proud of myself!”.
Find meaningful work
We spend a large part of our life at work. That's fine. I also work a lot.
I'm not one of those people who say that work has to be fun. Work can be work.
But you need challenges. You need to feel that you are using your strengths. Something to change. To be important.
Are you bored of your work? Then you cannot grow there.
This can make you feel sad, joyless, and empty for no apparent reason.
Differentiate between quick enjoyment and happiness
You might think, “I'm so sad. I'm moving around the houses now so that I can finally feel better. "
Parties, shopping, drugs, food, movies: all of this feels good in the short term.
But quick enjoyment doesn't make you happy in the long term. Afterwards you still feel sad, joyless and empty again.
Do you know that?
- After the drunkenness, reality brings you back down to earth. Instead of better, everything is worse than before.
- As soon as the new item hangs in the closet, the charm is gone.
- Greasy, sugary food tastes good. But it makes you tired and stresses your body.
- Everyone likes to go out to party. But your life is a series of parties. You don't live your life You are fleeing from it.
- Series binge-watching will fill your weekends. In these hours you are unproductive. Your lifetime is running out. Do you really want to give the most precious thing you own to Netflix?
So there is a big difference between being happy in the long term and feeling good in the short term.
And in the long run, there is only one thing that makes you happy and satisfied: a meaningful life.
You have to be passionate about something bigger than you are. This can be your job. But also a voluntary activity.
Find yourself a challenge
A simple, boring life can make you sad.
People have a deep need to grow. We want to develop. After all, that's what life is all about.
For you this means: You need a challenge that spurs you on.
Our minds desire to overcome difficulties. For this reason, many people love sudokus and puzzle games.
Maybe you are sad, empty, and dissatisfied because you lack the challenge.
Work on your relationship
Are you holding onto a relationship that has long since broken down?
Maybe you grew apart. Or the spark is simply gone.
It always hurts to end a relationship. But it is even worse to remain in a hopeless situation.
If there is still a chance for improvement, use it:
- Talk to your partner openly.
- Do couple therapy.
- Make space for togetherness.
If there is nothing left to save, draw the line. This gives you a chance to start over with someone else.
Build real relationships with other people
Social contacts are important. Do you have good relationships with your nuclear family, with your friends?
Real relationships are becoming rarer.
You may be well connected on social media. But in the real world, you rarely see the people you care about.
A virtual hug cannot replace real touch. A proper face-to-face conversation is different from a quick exchange by email.
Meet the people you care about. Create shared experiences and memories. That is something that really connects you.
Live in the present
You may find it difficult to let go of the past. Maybe you torment yourself with mistakes, wrong decisions and losses.
At the same time, you may be thinking about the future with no joy.
You forget one thing: the present. Here and now:
- You can't change what's behind you.
- You do not know what lies ahead of you.
You can only change the present. Don't let your past decide your future.
As I said above: learn serenity. This makes you more mindful and allows you to be with yourself in the present.
Take responsibility for your life
Do you feel like you can't change anything?
We need to feel that we are self-effective. You may feel sad because you feel powerless.
Only you decide
- how and where you live.
- where do you work.
- that you spend your life with.
- what you do in your free time
- how you deal with your body.
You are in the best of hands: your own.
In other words: start taking responsibility
Take the first step
The first step is always the hardest. When the thought “I am sad” comes up in you, you are taking time for yourself.
Get to the bottom of this feeling.Don't be afraid to deal with yourself and your feelings.
Sadness has a raison d'être, as does joy.
Perhaps your subconscious is giving you an important message with the feeling of being sad for no reason.
It is your life. How you spend it is up to you to decide. So make the most of it!
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