Why is my girlfriend spying on me

AGENT MAD Why we stalk our ex

The Ex file is no longer a book with seven seals. On the contrary: Facebook and Co. make it very easy to spy on your ex. What do you find out? Usually more about your own downside than about your ex-lover.

My best friend Marie has been separated from her boyfriend for a year and is happily single. But she just can't help it: she stalks, sniffs and spies on her ex and is obsessed with finding out what he's doing. And above all with whom! Their Ex stalk has become an addiction for Marie. And she is not alone in that.

Aren't we all a little bit NSA?

Admittedly, I am not entirely innocent myself. When my first great love broke up, I was not only devastated, I was one thing above all: curious. I wanted to know everything. First and foremost, of course, how big his lovesickness is. And does he even have any? Or already a new woman by his side? When he meets with friends and with which ones. I just wanted to know everything. And to be honest: I wanted to get caught doing it every now and then. Not while spying, of course. It should all look as random as possible. It should be like a stroke of fate if we run into each other by chance in the city or in his favorite bar and by chance I look better and more seductive than ever. Let him see how dazzling I am and that I can manage without him. But at some point I fell in love again and didn't feel like snooping any more.

Ex stalk: when curiosity doesn't stop

It's different with Marie. Their Ex to stalk is no longer a phase. It's a permanent state. At first I found my girlfriend's behavior quite normal: In old girlfriends Marnier we spent long nights in her ex-girlfriend's favorite bar to see if he was there. We called his landline with an anonymous phone number just to see if he was home. At first it was all funny. And maybe the normal process of coping with a breakup. At least that's what I thought at first. However, as months passed without Marie's sniffer, I began to worry. Marie just couldn't stop stalking. On the contrary: Your spying urge even expanded. By now she not only knew what her former boyfriend was doing, but also exactly which women he was dating, their names, where they work and even what their hobbies were. Because Marie was now sniffing after his women. After all, Facebook makes a lot possible.

Facebook seduces us to spy

Social networks like Facebook facilitate the urge to satisfy one's own curiosity. But they also make something else much more difficult - namely to process the breakup. There are now several studies that show that stalking your ex on Facebook prolongs your heartache. You don't even have to look at old pictures, because according to the study, it is enough to sniff your friends list and see with whom the ex is in contact. Who his Ex stalk wants, annoys and annoys him, but in the end hurts himself the most. Nevertheless, almost a third of Facebook users can't help spying on their ex-partners digitally. Even more: Many people feel like Marie. You are downright obsessed with it.

What I know makes me hot!

For Marie, the spy addiction has almost become a sure-fire success. Now she can hardly say why she's snooping on her ex. At first she wanted to see how he was doing. Then she wanted to see which women he met. She wondered what they have that they don't have. But all of this is no longer so important to Marie. She is also no longer jealous at all. Rather, she compares her urge to stalk with curiosity about gossip. “Just like other people read magazines and sniff around in the private lives of celebrities, I just spy on my ex. Somehow I enjoy breaking my mouth about it. There's nothing else that stirs me up. Maybe it's just about driving away the boredom and emptiness, ”she explains her behavior.

New seducers instead of old exiles

As a best friend, I asked Marie about her espionage behavior and explained that I was worried. Although I see that Marie no longer suffers from the breakup and doesn't want her ex back either, I still believe that the spying must come to an end. Not only is it polite not to spy on another person - you are also doing yourself a disservice. The energy and time it takes Marie is hers Ex stalk being able to do so is missing elsewhere. Your ex isn't her ex for nothing. He's part of her past. A file she should close. Even if she somehow keeps him in her heart forever, space must be made there for a new Prince Charming. Because there is! Not on her ex-boyfriend's Facebook page, but somewhere else out there. So get away from the computers and end those who have passed away. And on to new, exciting people!

Photo: iStock

Please enter a valid email address & accept terms and conditions.

Thank you very much! You have successfully registered for our weekly newsletter. We have sent you a confirmation email.